talenos productions

"this last week in Iowa was one for the record books. More tornadic activity present than the last 25 years combined. The residents of Ames while scared, showed incredible resolve after a killer storm ripped through their hometown, leveling everything.. except Ryan Doll. Ryan, and his ginourmus body seemed to be the only thing to survive this deadly series of storms. Movie theaters....leveled, Supermarkets.... wiped clean off the face of the map, court house and city offices.... clinging to life... but Ryan Doll stands strong in the middle of the storm. When we asked Ryan how he got through this terrible storm he had a simple answer, "Well, er, I ate my ass off for the last 24 years, and now.. (whimper).. I only have my chronic overeating to thank for my life (breaks out in infantile sobbing)"
According to doctors Ryan's body sustained the brunt of the impact of the tornado recieving 3 direct hits from flying Volkswagons, 6 airborne cows, and one very fortunate 80 year-old neighbor who escaped the ravaging storm by being lodged in between Ryan's massive rolls of fat.
Fellow Ames'ers we must commend Ryan Doll and his spirit, his resolve, and his determination to carry on in the aftermath of an event of this magnitude. God Bless America, and God bless fat fuckers like Ryan Doll"
John Rodphucker
columnist, Ames Tribune

"guns don't kill people... tornadoes do"

Kyle

Ryan Doll has got to be older than 24.

I figured as much... I just figured he had actually over-eaten for the last 24 years or so.... kinda hard to get overweight while breastfeeding... or while eating mashed up fruits...naw...I figured by the time he turned 6 or so is really when he started hating the world around him and hiding his pain behind a ginourmus gut...... finding a friend in food as it were.

"guns don't kill people, food does"

Kyle